


this one is different

by eckso



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - America, Alternate Universe - College/University, Confident Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Confident Na Jaemin, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan Are Best Friends, Huang Ren Jun-centric, I'm Sorry, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Self Confidence Issues, Soft Huang Ren Jun, Sweet Na Jaemin, gave him backstory though :D, jisung is in this one time, renjun has never dated before and it's made him feel really shitty, yet again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:00:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26169067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eckso/pseuds/eckso
Summary: Renjun does not (at all) and has not (ever) had a boyfriend, and there's nothing wrong with that.Renjun doesn't want a boyfriend.He just wants to kiss Jaemin Na.Renjun wants a boyfriend.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Park Jisung/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 36
Kudos: 265





	this one is different

**Author's Note:**

> hi hi hi, this is my first time posting in this tag!!! i have two markhyuck fics up if you're interested in that but ya this is my first renmin fic and im cheesin'!!!! hope you enjoy very much xxx

Renjun Huang has been single so long that it's become one of his defining personality traits.

His life has been devoid of romance for such a period that intrusive family members don’t even bother asking about it anymore.

And his singleness is not for a lack of trying. Or maybe, as of recently, it is.

(Donghyuck stopped trying to set Renjun up with blind dates in high school, after the first and last attempt ended with Renjun's date leaving with another person's number because he'd had convinced her to ask out the cute checkout girl she had a crush on. Sooyoung and Yeri, cute checkout girl, celebrated their 4-year anniversary in March. Renjun only knows because they send him a thank you card on the day every year.)

All this is to say that Renjun does not (at all) have and has not (ever) had a boyfriend.

And of course, there's nothing wrong with not wanting a boyfriend.

(Mark had asked him once, with a soft hand on his knee, empathetic eyes and a careful tone, if he'd considered that he may be aromantic. Renjun didn't know how to say, "It's not that, I'm just completely undesirable, apparently," so him and his ruby red ears just said, "No, but thank you." Mark nodded, patted his knee and never brought it up again.)

Except for the fact that Renjun only pretends that he doesn’t want a boyfriend.

It doesn't hurt that this little white lie he's been telling since birth to anyone who asks also helps to bolster his 'solo, bad bitch who doesn't need a man' Aries energy, as Donghyuck likes to call it when he's both drunk and sober, but it's also just that: a little white lie. A little white lie that, like most, has grown over time to the point where it's easier to pretend he likes not having to share snacks with a significant other at the cinemas, than to confront the fact that no one wants to date him.

It's always been particularly easier to lie when he actually finds someone who he'd like to make his boyfriend. Renjun's current track record boasts a pristine and enviable 0% success rate in his pursuits of his lifetime worth of crushes. That statistic is enough to keep him mum about find anyone desirable ever again.

Until Jaemin Na.

Along with his reigning singledom, Huang Renjun is also quite well-known for an unavoidable propensity to dwell. And it is this trait of his that causes him to compulsively check his class lists for his university courses weeks before class actually starts.

It’s a habit that is often a waste of 10 minutes of his life, and usually the only outcome ends up being him curiously Facebook stalking every single name he reads until he could quiz them on at least the past 2 years of their own lives. However, on a lazy Monday morning, lying in bed 3 and a half weeks before he’s due to have his first class for Statistical Methods, he reads Jaemin’s Na name.

It’s a name he hasn’t seen or heard before, he’s sure of it. He’d remember an Asian name. There aren’t many Asian kids at his American University, so most of them know each other. But he doesn’t recall a Jaemin Na.

He taps on the screen of his phone where it rests on his chest and opens Facebook, quickly typing in the name of the person he’s looking for.

The tiny display picture of the boy’s profile photo makes Renjun’s eyes widen before he’s even clicked on his page. He taps on his profile, clicking right into his profile picture and staring.

Jaemin Na has dyed light brown hair that swoops lightly around his forehead so it rests just above his eyes and he’s sat on a bench, looking at the camera. Renjun’s brain starts communicating with him in half sentences.

Tan. Pretty eyes.

His stomach feels a bit too big for the space it takes up in his torso.

Renjun recognizes in seconds that Jaemin Na is the cute boy he had seen every week at the campus cafeteria the previous semester. Every Wednesday afternoon for the whole quarter Renjun would finish his Developmental Psych lecture at 1pm and go straight to the café, purely just for a coffee and a sandwich in the beginning but soon also to catch a glimpse of the boy who consistently came in at 1:15pm and got a large iced Americano to go.

It never becomes a big deal, really. He sees the boy every week, and he’ll even admit that some weeks he doesn’t even particularly feel like an overpriced sandwich after his lecture but he goes and he gets one just to have a reason to see the boy. They don’t speak and Renjun never finds out his name.

Until right this second, when he’s been staring at Jaemin Na’s softly parted bang for so long without blinking that his eyes have gone blurry.

He quickly swipes out of the picture and turns off his phone, throwing his head back to blink up at his ceiling.

As gratifying as it is to be able to put a name to a face he has spent so much time thinking about and also pretending not to think about, he feels a bit sick about the fact that this is a face he’ll be seeing every week, in close quarters, during his two hour Statistics Methods tutorial.

His brain provides illustrative, hopeful visions of Jaemin Na speaking to him, asking him out, them getting coffee together as opposed to steadfastly staying on different sides of the café seating. He huffs and rolls over to shove his face in his pillow.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

Jaemin Na is not wearing the striped orange dress shirt from his Facebook profile picture for their first Statistical Methods class. He’s wearing a cardigan.

Renjun recognizes him immediately and is instantly incredibly interested in reorganizing the folders on his laptop desktop.

He tries not to stare as Jaemin Na says good morning to the tutor, sipping from his iced coffee cup Renjun recognizes from the campus café as he walks through the room to sit at the table in the middle of the room. It’s an Americano. Renjun feels the last nail jam snug into the coffin. Jaemin Na is unmistakably cafeteria boy.

He looks back down at his laptop and drags his ‘School’ folder around in a figure eight with his mouse.

Because luck is never on Renjun’s side, Renjun who was hoping to get through the entire semester without saying a word around Jaemin Na lest he stutter or say something dumb, their tutor makes them do an introduction exercise. He feels his hands start to sweat as he tries to think of a cool way to introduce himself and a fact about him without putting his foot in his mouth.

Shortly, the tutor’s eyes land on him with an encouraging smile after a couple of people have gone and Renjun feels all the eyes in the room flick to his face. He tries not to wilt at the attention and stares right at the tutor to anchor himself.

“Hi, my name is Renjun. It’s Chinese,” He pauses for a second and the tutor nods politely to show he’s listening, “Um, I’m in my third year and my favourite colour is orange.”

The tutor nods again with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Renjun!”

Renjun nods, holding his breath a bit and staring at his laptop screen until everyone’s eyes are averted as the next person starts their introduction.

He looks up again to hear Jaemin Na give his introduction.

“Hey, I’m Jaemin. It’s Korean,” The room titters a bit and Renjun feels his eyes widen as Jaemin Na looks at him with a small smile and mirth in his eyes. Renjun forces a little smile onto his face although he feels a bit like he’s just been pushed back on stage with his costume on backwards. “This is my third year and I’m super good at badminton.”

He smiles a bit bigger when the tutor laughs. Renjun’s skin is still prickly with something he’s embarrassed to admit is embarrassment.

He finds it difficult to focus on the class, not that much else other than the semester plan is spoken about as he is, no surprise, dwelling on the interaction.

He tries to push the insecure part of him that is screaming about how much harder he’ll have to work to erase himself from the memory of every student in the room now that he’s gotten himself laughed at (with?). He should have just waited until he was asked, as he always is, several times and sometimes more than once by the same person, to clarify that he’s Chinese.

He’s absorbed in willing himself to be as invisible as possible to make up for his unfortune when someone starts speaking next to him as he packs up his things at the end of class.

“Hey, I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable. Us Asian kids have got to stick together, huh?” Renjun looks up to meet Jaemin Na’s eyes, holding his pen with a shaking grip as he’s stilled putting it in backpack. Jaemin’s smiling. “Fuck knows we’ll get asked if we’re every ethnicity under the sun before it’s guessed right. Better to be upfront about it.”

Renjun laughs quietly, the sound somehow forced out of him. He tries for a light tone.

“You really think they’ll remember you’re the Korean one? One of us should switch classes before they decide two Asian kids is too many to keep track of.” His grip on his pen tightens then loosens as he forces himself to keep packing up his things and pretend he isn’t flustered. He zips up his bag as fast as he can and swings it to put it on his back.

Jaemin Na is laughing too. “I should start calling you Injun then or something, get working on your Korean identity.”

“Just get ready to get asked if you’ve been to the Great Wall.” He says, eyes on his feet and he starts to walk to the door of the room and Jaemin Na follows, laughing harder.

“I will,” He says, “See you next week?”

Renjun nods, his ability to speak run dry after two minorly witty replies. He realizes he’s still smiling still when he gets halfway back to his dorm room and he’s still thinking about Jaemin Na saying they have to stick together.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

“Wouldn’t it be easier to eat if you weren’t holding hands at the table?” Donghyuck questions, staring at Chenle and Jisung both trying to spin a forkful of their shared (another couple thing Renjun doesn’t envy) plate of pasta with their nondominant hands, the others clasped on the table top.

The bowl squeaks around the table as they both try and fail at manoeuvring a mouthful of spaghetti into their mouths. Donghyuck is just about scowling around the chips he’d ordered for lunch.

Chenle looks up at Donghyuck, sights how frustrated their consistent and unnecessary failure is making him and raises Jisung’s hand to his mouth to kiss it.

He grins when Donghyuck’s face darkens and continues to push the pasta around the bowl. Jisung makes a surprised noise of delight as he gets a swirl to stay on his fork and a disappointed noise when it slides right back off within seconds.

“No fucking wonder you don’t want a boyfriend, Junnie. They couldn’t possibly make it look less respectable.” Donghyuck says, matter-of-factly, swivelling in his chair to face Renjun next to him and avert his eyes from the couple across from them.

“You’d spend your whole life feeding Mark pasta if he let you, don’t pretend you’re above them.” Renjun replies, taking a bite of his meagre sandwich and putting it back down.

“The point is that I do not. Taking an opportunity when presented it, in the privacy of our own dorm room, is not a crime.” Donghyuck says, then turning back to Chenle and Jisung who are still struggling. “Forcing us to watch their pasta get cold as they fuck about, however, should be punishable by death sentence.”

Renjun snorts a laugh, as Chenle finally manages to get a full fork, racing it to his mouth with such force that half of it flings off in the process and Donghyuck lets out a pained groan.

“Worst fucking 3-legged race ever.” Donghyuck grumbles.

“Speaking of Mark, where is he? I thought Tuesdays were his off day?” Renjun asks and Donghyuck turns to him again.

“Yeah, they are but Jeno’s moving dorms today, right? Since his last roommate is on exchange and the University apparently can’t afford to have one person living in a double for 10 weeks, so Mark’s been helping while we had class.” Renjun nods and Donghyuck taps his phone to have the time flash at him. “They should be here soon actually, they both said they’d still try and catch us for lunch.”

Within the next 10 minutes, Chenle and Jisung somehow manage to eat most of their pasta and Donghyuck has started complaining about his Macroeconomics lecturer and how shit her PowerPoints are when Mark appears next to their table and puts a hand on Donghyuck’s shoulder. Instantly, Donghyuck leans up and Mark down and they meet in the middle to kiss each other hello. Renjun looks away.

“You’re kinda late, where’s Jeno?” Donghyuck asks, as Mark pulls out the chair at the head of the table and flops into it, nodding a hello to Renjun, Chenle and Jisung too.

“Just finishing up, he’s gonna come down with his roommate to get lunch when he’s all moved in. His roommate’s Korean, said he was a Psych major so you might know him, Jun.” Mark says, nodding to Renjun, who raises an eyebrow at the assumption than Renjun speaks to anyone outside of this little group + Jeno enough to say he knows them. Mark laughs a little. “Maybe you don’t know him, but you might have met him. Jaemin Na?”

Before anything else, Jisung makes a bright noise of recognition. “I know him! He was my campus guide for Law Orientation last year!” He says.

Renjun feels his face go a bit pink. He doesn’t say anything. Donghyuck, noticing the silence instantly, looks at Renjun, then back to an oblivious Mark, then back to Renjun. He looks for a second, scrutinising.

“Was Jaemin Na cute, Mark?” Donghyuck asks, staring right at Renjun, waiting for some kind of sign that what he’s sniffed out is actually something. Renjun stares back with wide eyes.

“Good-looking, yeah. You’re the only person I’d call cute though.” Mark replies, not looking at them, grabbing one of Donghyuck’s chips to munch. Donghyuck’s cheeks go rosy where he’s still got Renjun pinned with eye contact.

“Hmm. Is Jaemin Na cute, Renjunnie?” He asks, tilting his head in a way that communicates clearly he knows exactly the answer he’ll get. Renjun swallows.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” He rushes out.

“Oh my god.” Donghyuck says, the mirth in his eyes now coupled with flagrant disbelief. He turns back to Mark, who also looks a bit shocked, still chewing but now with big eyes. “Jaemin Na must be the second coming of God. Our Renjunnie has a crush on him.”

Chenle squeals.

It’s at exactly this moment that both Jeno and Jaemin Na walk through the cafeteria doors, Renjun spotting them as they move together towards the table, laughing as they walk. Instantly, he shushes all four other patrons of the table.

“Hey, Jen. Hello, handsome stranger. You must be Jaemin.” Donghyuck says, smirking. Renjun feels about 20 degrees too hot.

If he’s is taken aback by the compliment, he doesn’t show it. “That’s me. I hope you don’t mind me intruding?” He says, motioning to the chair next to Jeno where Jeno has already sat down and started helping himself to Renjun’s sandwich.

He looks a bit shocked that Renjun hasn’t already slapped his hands away as he takes a second tentative bite, but Renjun is too busy watching his whole world spin right of it’s axis.

“Oh, hey, Sungie!” Jaemin says, around a big, bright smile, and Jisung grins back.

“Of course not, sit.” Donghyuck says, looking a bit too pleased with himself.

As Jaemin sits down next to Jeno, he surveys the rest of the table with a quick sweep of his eyes, which Renjun sees because he’s staring, and they lock eyes. Jaemin's eyes widen in recognition then his teeth appear in a bright smile.

“Injunnie! Fancy seeing you here.” Renjun feels Donghyuck’s eyes bulge out of his head. Blood pulses behind his own eyes.

Renjun laughs to be polite and whispers a ‘hey’ in return, snatching his sandwich back from Jeno for something to do with his hands.

Easy conversation starts between everyone at the table and Renjun sits there silently, working his way through the rest of his sandwich and trying to ignore the fluttering energy a curious Donghyuck is emitting next to him.

Both of them had signed up for office hours at 2pm in the same building so they say their goodbyes (Renjun’s on the verge of being stuttered), and start to make their way over.

They’ve only managed 3 and a half steps away from the table when the questions start.

“When were you going to tell me you had a crush? A crush on a boy who’s already given you a nickname, no less.” Donghyuck asks, sounding far too ecstatic.

“I wasn’t.” Renjun replies tightly.

“And why not? This is perfect.”

“Donghyuck. This is absolutely horrific. He’s in my Statistical Methods class and now he fucking lives with the only person I can stand to study with. I can’t avoid him.” Renjun groans, a hand to his forehead to massage his temples. He can feel a headache coming on.

“Why would you want to avoid him? This could be the boyfriend we’ve been trying to get you since we were in primary school.” Donghyuck says, a light shade of genuinely confused.

“I don’t want a boyfriend, Hyuck, I’m not ready for that. And regardless, it is absolutely not going to happen with Jaemin Na. All the people I’ve been rejected by have been a fraction as good looking as he is. It would be fucking stupid to try.” Renjun says, trying not to sound dejected, even though he is a bit, because it’s not worth worrying Donghyuck.

Donghyuck stops walking and grabs him by the elbow within a second, swinging him round so they’re stood face to face.

“Junnie, don’t say that. You’re the best boy I know. Jaemin Na would be stupid not to see that, no matter how nice his face is.” Donghyuck says sternly, and this is the reason why Renjun doesn’t like talking about this.

It’s just selfish to force people to recite the universal unwritten lines about how much of a catch you are when the cold, hard evidence is that no one wants you at all.

He puts a smile on anyway and the hard line of concern between Donghyuck’s eyebrows smooths slightly.

“Thanks, Hyuckie. But don’t worry about it, okay? It’ll go away. I have a reputation to uphold, don’t I?” He says, trying to sell the joke.

Donghyuck looks at him with understanding.

“You don’t have to be that person if it isn’t you anymore, you know? You can still be a solo, bad bitch who don’t need a man and have a man too. I am.” He points a strong finger to his own chest and Renjun laughs, a little wetly.

“Yeah, you are.” Renjun says and checks his phone quickly, starting to walk again, “Come on, let’s get a move on or we’ll both be late.”

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

If Renjun were the main character of a television show, knocking the door of Jeno’s dorm a week later and having Jeno’s roommate open it probably would have been the exact moment he remembered the little fact that Jeno’s roommate is, in fact, Jaemin Na.

However, as Renjun is not the main character of a television show but is just Renjun and is, as addressed several times previously, chronically prone to dwelling, this little fact has been an accompaniment to every thought he’s had about Jeno himself since he found out.

Hence, he’d dug his best jeans out of the bottom of his wardrobe to wear to a run of the mill study session with one of his best friends.

Except it’s not run of the mill because Jaemin Na is standing behind a now open door with a big welcoming grin on his face and Renjun feels the hope of gaining some confidence from his tight jeans rush out of him like he’s a popped balloon.

“Hey, Injunnie! Jeno’s just making tea, he’s in the kitchen.” Jaemin Na says, stepping back to open the door wider and let Renjun through.

“Hi, thank you.” He stops talking as he toes off his shoes so he can concentrate on making the conversation not terribly awkward. Thankfully, he’s not the one who ends up having to fill the silence.

“Have you done the Stats homework?” The other asks, conversationally. They’ve had a few Statistical Methods classes together now but the only communication they’ve had thus far is quick smiles at each other or an easy, “How are you?” usually initiated by Jaemin if they both get to class early. (Which Renjun usually does because he’d worry about being late if he didn’t.)

Homework is a topic that Renjun can navigate.

“Yeah, I did it right after the lecture. I’d forget otherwise.” He says, almost self-deprecatingly, trailing after Jaemin down the hallway to the kitchen. Jaemin laughs.

“Interestingly, that’s exactly what I’ve done.” He laughs, pausing in front of the kitchen door to let Renjun enter before him with a gentle, but no less charming, smile. Renjun looks down at his feet and walks into the kitchen.

“Hey, Jun. I’m making tea.” The back of Jeno’s head says, where he hasn’t turned around to face Renjun and is standing with his back to them, hunched over three cups.

“Jaemin said. Why are you making tea? You don’t like tea.” Renjun walks further into the kitchen to sit on one of the high chairs positioned around the kitchen counter. Jaemin snorts and Jeno finally turns around.

“This is correct. However, tea takes longer to make than coffee and I’m trying to postpone starting on my Macro assignment until I’ve brewed at least 3 cups of Earl Grey.” Jeno says tightly.

Renjun makes an understanding noise. Jaemin lets out another laugh.

“I’m so fucking glad I’m a Psych major. I tried to help him this morning, when the tea thing started and I don’t even understand his task sheet.” Jaemin says, more to Renjun, as Jeno becomes reabsorbed in probably over-steeping their tea.

“I’d hazard guessing that, at the moment, he doesn’t either.” Renjun replies, turning to look at Jaemin, who’s still grinning. Renjun feels comfortable enough to smile back at him.

After a second, Jaemin looks past Renjun at Jeno, who’s arm muscles are just about bulging with the force he’s using to push a spoon against the tea bag on the side of the cup.

“Is my tea done? It’ll have gone cold by the time you’re ready to pass it on.” Jaemin says, trying to keep the laugh out of his voice, so as to not aggravate an already obviously scattered Jeno.

Jeno makes a small noise of discontentment but pushes a dark cup of tea towards Jaemin anyway. Jaemin grabs it by the handle and takes a sip, pulling a face of exaggerated disgust at Renjun while Jeno is occupied.

Renjun huffs a laugh out of his nose.

“Going to do my Stats homework before I forget again. Wish me luck.” He says, twinkly eyed as he walks out of the kitchen, presumably to his room.

“Good luck.” Renjun calls liltingly to his retreating back.

Jeno stirs one of the cups of tea for a couple more seconds before he sighs and pulls out both of the tea bags. Renjun watches him as he throws them in the garbage then comes back to stand despondently over his cups of tea.

Then Jeno looks up at Renjun, his eyes questioning.

“You and Jaemin seem to be getting along. Hyuck told me that you-,” Renjun cuts him off with a harsh intake of breath and a tight, stressed hiss of his name.

Jeno’s brow furrows. “He told me that you have class together,” he pauses and looks nervous to ask his next question. “Are you okay?”

“Thought you were going to say I L-worded him or something.” Renjun says, forcing a tight laugh through his words. Jeno’s face smooths.

“Yeah, he said that too actually. Really made me laugh,” He actually pauses for a second to giggle, “I’ll have my PhD in Actuarial Science before you admit to being attracted to another person, in this economy.”

Renjun rolls his eyes.

“You’ll be fucking dead before that happens, Jen. Either of those things.” He says, grabs his stupid cup of Earl Grey tea that he’s now being forced to drink and walks into the living room.

He doesn’t feel as good denying it as he is supposed to.

They’re sat on the couches in the living room, having been working in near silence on their respective school work, bar Jeno’s pained groans every once in a while and Renjun’s tired sighs, for just about 2 hours, when Jaemin re-emerges from wherever he had been.

“I need a break. Which must mean that you both need a break,” He says, almost teasingly, from where he’s standing in the doorway.

Jeno looks up at him like he’s just offered him his Bachelors in Accounting a year and a half early.

“I think I need another tea too.” Jeno shoots off the couch and into the kitchen past him so fast that it makes Jaemin stumble back a bit and laugh loudly as he walks round to take his place across from Renjun on the couch.

Renjun looks at him for a second before Jaemin looks over, racking his brain for something worthwhile to say.

Jaemin beats him to it.

“So, Injun. How’d you end up friends with an Accounting major?” Jaemin asks conversationally, propping his feet up on the coffee table between them.

Renjun shuffles around on his legs where they’re crossed underneath him and adjusts where the button of his too-tight jeans is digging in, to get more comfortable. He tries to use some of his jean confidence to converse casually.

“Oh, uh, I used to minor in Business? Cos my parents wanted me to and Donghyuck, who I’ve known since we were kids, wanted to, so it just happened. We all met in first year Ethics in Business class and then Hyuck and Mark stayed close with Jen even when I dropped the minor.” Renjun answers and Jaemin’s features round out in an empathetic expression.

“Oh, right. I get that, I used to double major in Law in first and second year because my dad wanted me to be a lawyer and, fuck,” He laughs, a rough sound of relief. “I mean, I’m glad I did it cos I wouldn’t have met Jisung otherwise and he’s a good kid, but God. It really was a waste of time.”

Renjun nods.

“Exactly. It really fucked with me for a bit? Cos I wasn’t doing bad, like my grades would have been good enough for anyone else but I just wasn’t enjoying it. Took me a while to realise that even if doing well in it wasn’t making me like it, something had to change.”

Jaemin laughs, a delightful sound. It makes Renjun smile, even though taking about this often makes him feel a bit like a disappointment.

“You do give me ‘Quiet Genius’ energy actually. I can see you being in turmoil about quitting something even when you’re amazing at it. We’re always told that the things we’re good at is what we should pursue, but if your hearts not in it, what’s the point?” Jaemin says, his voice and sentiment strong through his tone.

“You’re right. I’d much rather spend my time reading about Freud and how I’m meant to find my mom sexy.” The comment startles a loud laugh out of Jaemin, which makes Renjun laugh too.

With the kettle boiling in the background and Jaemin in front of him, Renjun feels good.

Maybe this could be good.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

All of Renjun’s jean confidence is gone when he walks into Statistical Methods the week after that to see Jaemin Na sitting in the seat right next to the one Renjun has sat in so far this semester. He looks up at Renjun in the doorway instantly, a little like he’s been waiting for him, with a big grin, and nods his head down at the two cups on the desk.

It takes conscious effort to stop from just freezing in the door frame at the sight of the boy. He blinks, pockets his phone and walks over.

“Morning, Injun. I asked Jeno what you liked from the campus coffee shop and he said iced peach tea?” Jaemin says, now looking a bit uncharacteristically nervous as he looks between Renjun and the plastic takeaway cup in front of them.

Renjun puts his bag on the floor and sits heavily down on the seat next to the other. He looks at the drink and he can still feel the boy’s eyes on him.

“You really didn’t have to do this.” He says, tracking a single bubble of air as it floats from the bottom of the cup to pop at the surface.

Jaemin hums.

“I stop by the coffee shop before just about every lecture, couldn’t get myself something and nothing for you when I knew I was going to see you.” He says convincingly.

Renjun looks from the cup to Jaemin’s face, quickly gets nervous when under the gaze of those pretty eyes and looks back at the cup.

“Thank you, really. Peach tea is my favourite.” He says quietly.

Jaemin breathes out a happy sigh of relief, Renjun sensing his shoulders drop as the tension in him releases.

“You’re welcome. I was nervous Jeno had lied so I’d look like an idiot.” Jaemin says with a laugh, picking up his own plastic take away cup to sip from it. It’s the same large iced Americano he’d gotten all last semester. Renjun huffs his own laugh, reaching for his peach tea.

“Jeno’s too nice for that.” He replies after a sip.

He puts his cup down and starts to rummage through his backpack, setting his laptop down next to Jaemin’s and opening it up to put in his password. Jaemin makes a startled noise and Renjun jumps a bit.

“You like Moomin?” Jaemin asks, his eyes bright when Renjun’s gaze flicks to them from the sticker next to his trackpad. He feels his cheeks get a little warm.

“Yeah, I, uh, used to watch it as a kid. It helped me sleep.” Renjun says hesitantly, not yet sure how to interpret the excitement bubbling in Jaemin’s expressive eyes.

“Oh my god, me too!” Jaemin enthuses, hands rushing to pull his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans to present the back of it to Renjun, which is completely covered with stickers.

Renjun’s eyes scan over the cute hearts and flowers until they find the little Moomin sat in the corner. He smiles and looks up at Jaemin.

“So cute,” he says softly, looking to Jaemin’s eyes. Then his own eyes widen and he clears his throat, leaning back from where he’s automatically leaned closer to see the sticker.

Jaemin’s sunny, excited expression doesn’t waver. “That’s really cute. I love Moomin,” Renjun says and turns back to his laptop to smooths a thumb over his sticker.

Jaemin lets out a little laugh and re-pockets his phone.

“So do I. I went to the Moomin Café in Korea last time I went home and it was just about the best day of my life.” Renjun giggles despite himself at the pure reverence in Jaemin’s tone.

As their lecturer starts talking, Renjun catches himself tracing hearts right over his Moomin sticker and has to pull out a pen from his pencil case to hold, to stop. Jaemin Na just keeps getting better.

Right as the lecturer concludes the class early an hour and a half later, Jaemin has his laptop closed and his body facing Renjun’s. After a long length of silence between them besides their mutual typing, Renjun blinks.

Jaemin motions quickly at Renjun’s empty cup, all of which had been drank within the first 15 minutes of the lecture, leaving Renjun missing his peach tea for the remaining hour and 15. “Do you wanna come and get another drink with me? Jeno asked me to get him a drink on the way home.” Jaemin looks like he’s a bit nervous Renjun will say no but is trying not to show it. That doesn’t make sense.

“Yeah. I guess I gotta pay back the favour and tell you what he likes, hey?” Renjun says, reasoning to himself that Jaemin has asked him along because he doesn’t want to disappoint his new roommate with a drink he won’t appreciate.

He looks up from his backpack as he’s zipping it up when Jaemin doesn’t reply for a second. Jaemin’s pretty eyelashes flutter as he blinks.

“No. He already told me he wanted a berry smoothie. You could pay me back for getting you it though, I guess? With your company?” Jaemin says, his head titled to the side. His voice is soft.

Renjun blinks fast and feels the back of his neck heat up. He stands quickly, putting his bag on his back and motioning Jaemin to stand up to, who does.

“Okay. That’s okay then. I’ll come, um, if you’d want me to.” Renjun says, hands clasped tightly on the back of his chair as he shuffles his feet waiting for Jaemin to sort himself out.

Jaemin looks at him once he has his own bag on.

“I’d like that.” He says, simply, with a little smile.

Renjun nods resolutely and shoves his hands in his pockets, as Jaemin gestures for him to lead down the steps of the theatre, striding forward to open the door for Renjun when they get to it. Renjun walks determinedly forwards and doesn’t let Jaemin see his cherry red cheeks until they’re out in the cool August air.

They walk quietly to the campus café, Jaemin humming a little in the breeze and pointing with delight at the campus dog across the quad as they catch sight of him in front of the Law building.

Renjun tries not to let his stupid feelings show on his face.

When they get to the cafeteria, Jaemin ushers Renjun to sit down, turning down Renjun’s startled shout after him saying he can pay for himself. Jaemin just shoots a charming smile over his shoulder and Renjun feels himself fluster enough to let him get away and to the till.

When Jaemin sits back down across from him, with both of their drinks and Jeno’s in a carrier bag, Renjun gets an odd feeling.

It starts, warm and soft, in his stomach and travels down the tips of his fingers so they tingle when he says a polite thank you to Jaemin and grabs his cup. In the swirl of his ice, he imagines Jaemin sitting across from him and calling him ‘baby’ instead of his name.

He looks up at Jaemin, who’s looking out in the cafeteria to people-watch and sees his face, his mouth, shaping those words. It makes the tingly feeling spread down to his toes and warm his shoes in his socks.

Jaemin turns back to him with an expression like he’s just remembered something and Renjun blinks himself out of his silly fantasy.

“This might be weird, it might not have even been you, but did you come here a lot last semester?” Jaemin asks, his tone pondering and his eyes curious.

Renjun takes a nervous sip of his peach tea.

“Yeah. My Developmental lecture used to finish at 1pm on a Wednesday so I used to come and get lunch. You came in at 1:15pm, right?” He says, realising immediately afterwards that relaying the exact time back to Jaemin probably wasn’t the best way to not look like Renjun had been keeping tabs, but Jaemin is already nodding.

“Wednesdays were my full days and I never used to finish until around 7pm, so I used to get one Americano before class at 7 in the morning and another to last me from lunch till my last class.” Jaemin says, punctuating the statement by taking a couple sips from what must then be his second Americano of the day.

Renjun nods, pulling a aghast face that he has no control over upon hearing how hellish the best day of Renjun’s week last semester had been for Jaemin.

They’re quiet for a second, just the quiet clinking of their ice as they lift their cups to their mouths until Jaemin speaks again.

“I used to see you drawing, they were amazing the few times you were sat close enough to the pick-up area for me to see them. Are you an Art minor?” He asks and Renjun shakes his head.

“Thank you,” He says quietly, “and no, it’s just a hobby. Stress relief.”

Jaemin looks surprised.

“Oh! They’re incredible then! You should let me see them sometime.” Renjun can sense what Jaemin is going to say before he says it and immediately decides against it.

This is because, despite the Wednesday afternoon coffee situation ‘never being a big deal’, there’s definitely a few sketches of a familiar boy holding a large takeaway cup in the margins of Renjun’s sketchbook.

He doesn’t want to put Jaemin out though, kind of on a high with how much time they’ve been able to spend together without Renjun saying something accidentally off-putting, so he keeps his response open.

“Maybe. They always look better from far away though.” He says and Jaemin hums in consideration.

He pulls his phone out of his pocket to check the time and his eyes flick to Jeno’s drink, which has started to condensate inside the carrier bag.

“I better go and give Jeno his smoothie before it’s not a smoothie anymore. You free to come with?” Jaemin says, starting to stand.

Renjun shakes his head, not wanting to overstay his welcome. “I have class in 20.” He doesn't. 

Jaemin nods and smiles his pretty smile.

He waits for Renjun to stand and get his bag on his back, holding his nearly finished drink with one hand as they walk out the doors.

Jaemin slows to a stop once they step outside, making Renjun stop with him.

“Um, we’re having a party at our dorm next week for my birthday. But I guess it’s kind of just a celebration of the middle of the semester, I think. I’ll get Jeno to give you the details when I have them but I’d like you there.” Jaemin says, bright eyed with a little, tentative smile like he can’t anticipate what Renjun will say.

Renjun doesn’t like parties but he doesn’t want to say no.

“Okay. I’ll be there.” He says, smiling a little up at Jaemin, who instantly brightens.

“Okay.” Jaemin says softly, around his smile.

They look each other for a second longer before a big gust of wind makes Jeno’s carrier bag crinkle audibly and Renjun motions with his head to Jaemin to go.

“Take Jeno his drink before he starts making stress tea again cos he thinks you’ve died,” Renjun says, a laugh in his voice. Jaemin’s blinks at Renjun’s face for a couple seconds and Renjun gives him an encouraging smile. “I’ll see you next week.”

“See you, Injunnie,” Jaemin replies, walking backwards for a few steps so he can give Renjun a goofy smile, who laughs despite himself and flicks a hand at him so he turns around. Renjun watches him as he goes.

Renjun realises on the walk home that at some point, he’s stopped mentally referring to Jaemin by his whole name.

He wonders what that means.

｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆

_hey injunnie (▰ ˘◡˘▰)  
it’s jaemin  
jeno gave me ur number  
hope that’s okay  
party’s at ours on tuesday, 9pm  
see u there ( ･◡･)♡ ___

__Renjun’s face goes red the second he looks down as his phone on the cafeteria table after the first notification the next day and watches the texts keep coming, his little smile getting bigger and bigger._ _

__Donghyuck grabs the phone and spins it, impatient to see what Renjun’s getting all ruffled about, and promptly invites himself._ _

__Which turns out to be a good thing, beyond Renjun’s assumption, because when the pair of them get to Jaemin and Jeno’s door and Renjun starts to feel like he’d rather be sick on the welcome mat than step one foot inside, Donghyuck is there to huff a disgruntled noise and knock on the door while Renjun tries to make a break for it._ _

__Jaemin opens the door. Renjun instantly feels the lurching of his stomach rise up his throat._ _

__If Renjun had thought the tight jeans, loose shirt combo Donghyuck had argued him into made him look like a solid 5, Jaemin is an irrefutable 10/10._ _

__He must have redyed his hair for the occasion, because what was previously a caramel brown, that Renjun would like to think he’d gotten used to, is now a soft, bubbly pink. It’s all brushed up off of his forehead and for an instant, Renjun feels like he’s looking at a new, different person._ _

__Then Jaemin’s face squishes into a happy smile that shows all of his teeth and makes his eyes turn up at the sides and Renjun feels himself go mushy inside._ _

__It’s a big deal now. Maybe the Jaemin thing has always been a big deal._ _

__“Happy birthday, Jaemin!” Donghyuck yells, with audible exclamation points, making Jaemin’s smile grow just that little bit._ _

__“Happy birthday.” Renjun says quieter, like he always is, and Jaemin looks at him._ _

__His eyes go soft._ _

__“Thanks, guys. Come in, you need drinks.” He says, turn and motioning over his shoulder for them to follow him through the groups of standing up the hallway._ _

__Jaemin finds them fresh solo cups from a high cupboard in the kitchen and pours them both vodka cokes with strong vodka to coke ratios. Renjun takes his and sips it gratefully for something to do with his hands and mouth that isn’t making conversation._ _

__Fortunately for a nervous Renjun, someone who seems keen to catch up with Jaemin appears in the kitchen doorway and Jaemin leaves the two of them holding their cups next to the kitchen island with a cheerful, “Make yourself at home!”_ _

__They end up in the living room, Donghyuck spotting a game of beer pong being held where the coffee table usually is and demands to watch, pulling Renjun to sit down on Jeno’s couch to spectate._ _

__Unsurprisingly, within 7 minutes, he’s sat alone on one couch (the other has far too many drunk people smushed onto it and Renjun is quite enjoying betting with himself on who’s going to fall off next), and Donghyuck has disappeared._ _

__He’s only gone outside to speak to Mark on the phone but still._ _

__Renjun drinks just enough to be almost ready for a refill when Jaemin sits next to him._ _

__When Renjun looks at him, he notices his eyes are a bit glassier than they were before, his cheeks more peachy than their usual gentle tan._ _

__“Injun,” Jaemin says, his whole body facing Renjun on the couch, “Do you mind when I call you that?” He asks, sensitively curious._ _

__Renjun recognises that 100% honesty isn’t necessary, or warranted here. His mouth doesn’t get the memo and tries for it instead._ _

__“No, I don’t. I’ve never really had a nickname before, even though it’s not really a nickname, it’s just my-,” he cuts off his ramble physically by squeezing a fist around his solo cup, making the last few centimetres of liquid move. “I don’t mind it.”_ _

__Jaemin has a really little smile on his face and Renjun can’t place the emotion it’s connected to._ _

__They look at each other for a second before Jaemin looks down at Renjun’s hands, one palm-down on his thigh and the other tight around his cup._ _

__He’s speaking to them when he says: “Jeno told me you don’t date.”_ _

__It isn’t a question and Renjun doesn’t know how to respond._ _

__He doesn’t know why Jaemin is asking but he feels a frightening wave of stark embarrassment wash over him._ _

__Embarrassment for his inexperience, and for how obvious he’s probably been about his feelings and embarrassment about the fact that the way Jaemin said that makes it sound like it’s Renjun’s choice that he doesn’t date. That isn’t the case._ _

__Renjun doesn’t know why Jaemin is even thinking about him dating._ _

__He shoves his sweaty cup into Jaemin’s hands when he stands up off the couch._ _

__“I don’t feel well,” he says, and just about runs to the bathroom._ _

__The toilet seat creaks as he sits down._ _

__Renjun Huang has been single so long that it's become one of his defining personality traits. Renjun Huang doesn’t think he can handle a relationship. Renjun Huang doesn’t think anyone will ever want him to._ _

__Jaemin Na is gorgeous and kind and outgoing and makes Renjun Huang feel like he wants to try._ _

__Renjun Huang is absolutely terrified._ _

__Donghyuck calls Renjun a ‘solo, bad bitch’ but Donghyuck wakes up every morning and swipes on his lip-gloss and commands attention whether people want to give it to him or not. He’d asked Mark out after working together on a Business project and Mark had said yes and that had been that._ _

__Renjun is jealous. Renjun doesn’t put on lip-gloss. Renjun dresses like he doesn’t want to be seen, because every time he’s brought attention to himself, every time he’s asked people to look at him, he’s been told he isn’t worth being given what he wants._ _

__So, it seems reasonable that he is absolutely perplexed that Jaemin Na has been giving him the time of day at all._ _

__People like Jaemin Na can usually smell the inexperience on Renjun from miles away._ _

__People like Jaemin Na don’t settle for even Renjun’s best tight jeans._ _

__But now he’s let Jaemin too close. And it’s not worth pushing for any more when he’s gotten so far that he already knows this is going to hurt regardless. It already hurts._ _

__Just a little bit more than it ever has before._ _

__There’s a knock on the door._ _

__“Jun? I came back after talking Mark to sleep and you weren’t there? Jaemin said you felt sick?” Donghyuck’s voice asks through the door over the music outside, and Renjun takes his first deep breath in a few minutes._ _

__Without a word, he pitches forward on shaky legs and opens the door. Donghyuck’s worried face morphs to something more when he realises Renjun’s eyes are wet._ _

__“Oh my god, have you been sick? Are you okay? Here, sit down, oh my god.” Renjun makes a helpless noise and sits back down on the closed toilet lid, bringing his knees up to his chest._ _

__“Not sick. Sad.” He says, trying to keep his breathing even._ _

__Donghyuck hums in concern and crouches down in the floor in front of Renjun._ _

__“Baby, what’s wrong? Is it Jaemin? Did he do something?” His voice goes darker towards the end, definitely imagining some strain of violence against Jaemin were he to be the cause of Renjun’s upset._ _

__Renjun takes a big shuddering breath._ _

__“I really, really like him, Hyuck. This time it’s different.”_ _

__Donghyuck, having never seen Renjun cry about a boy before (because in the past, Renjun has liked to keep those episodes short and secret), goes silent._ _

__At his best friends almost-shell-shocked expression, Renjun feels his eyes well up again. Donghyuck makes an urgent sound and surges towards the toilet roll holder mounted to the the wall to yank far too much out and shove it into Renjun’s hands, then going back in to get a backup handful to hold in his own._ _

__Renjun looks down at his hands with blurry eyes and starts to tear at the tissue paper while Donghyuck watches him carefully._ _

__“I’ve gotten kind of used to getting this far but knowing it’s never going to happen, you know? And, I guess, because it’s always been the way, I knew to expect it? But I don’t want that this time. It’s really going to hurt this time, Hyuckie.” Renjun says, his voice soft and worn._ _

__Donghyuck is quiet for a second, finding his words._ _

__“What makes you think the same thing is going to happen this time? He looks at you different, Jun. He’s called you Injun since the day you met. This is different on all fronts.” Donghyuck says consolingly, running a careful palm down Renjun’s shin where his legs are still bunched up to his chest._ _

__“I just don’t know whether I can do it. I can’t believe it. I can’t believe that he’s interested.” Renjun says, lifting his head from between his knees to look at Donghyuck, who, upon sighting the wetness of his cheeks, rushes forward to pat his face dry with his wad of toilet paper._ _

__“Maybe the best way for you to learn to love yourself is to let yourself be loved, angel. You deserve something good.” Donghyuck says and Renjun whines wetly._ _

__They sit there silently for a second, Donghyuck patting away new tears as they fall down Renjun’s face._ _

__Then there’s another knock on the door._ _

__“Injunnie? Are you okay?” Jaemin calls, hesitant, with thick concern in his tone._ _

__Donghyuck looks at Renjun, at his splotchy face, and Renjun looks back at him, takes one big breath and nods. Donghyuck squeezes one of Renjun’s knee caps comfortingly and stands to open the door, moving past Jaemin, who steps hesitantly in towards Renjun._ _

__“Are you okay?” He repeats, gentler this time, face portraying worry beautifully. “I didn’t think you’d want me to see you vomit? Kind of personal.” He smiles awkwardly, but his eyes don’t lighten._ _

__Renjun breathes another big breath again. He looks down at the tiles of the bathroom floor._ _

__“I don’t date because no one has ever wanted to date me,” He doesn’t look up to see how Jaemin’s expression changes. “And I ran because it’s been so long that I don’t know how to handle anything other than that. I’m sorry.”_ _

__“Renjun,” Jaemin says and the use of his name and the tone of his voice makes Renjun look up at him. “You don’t have to apologise to me. I shouldn't have sprung that on you. I can tell you’re a little nervous, that’s just who you are,” Renjun bristles a little because, even though he knows it’s true, he doesn’t like the fact that people can see it. “But I like you anyway. A lot actually.”_ _

__He can’t help the way that the blatant admission makes his skin go a little cold in near terror. But Renjun has never seen anyone look at him with the expression Jaemin has on right now._ _

__Calm endearment with a shade of something loving. Renjun only knows how to interpret it because of all the romantic movies Donghyuck has forced him through._ _

__Renjun, a bit overwhelmed, looks down at the tiles again._ _

__“I don’t know if I’m going to be worth it.” He says, his voice quiet._ _

__“I’m willing to try anyway if you are.” Renjun looks up at Jaemin again. His expression is honest and his eyes are earnest and Renjun has never had someone stay this long. Never had someone say yes._ _

__He decides, right then and there, that that’s enough to make him say yes too._ _

__“Okay.” He says. And he will be._ _

__｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆_ _

__Things are good after that. Really good._ _

__Jaemin tells Renjun he likes him as often as he can, and at some point, starts telling him he loves him instead._ _

__He calls him Injun, and Renjun, and baby._ _

__Renjun had been single for so long that he started to base his worth off of how other people made him feel, and so he just about thought he had none._ _

__Being with Jaemin, being Jaemin’s Injun, teaches him that the people who made me feel unlovable were wrong. That there is so much of him to love and that people will love him._ _

__He doesn’t want people though._ _

__He just wants Jaemin._ _

So when Jaemin tells him he'll love him forever, enough for everyone who never has, Renjun believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i don't know where this fic came from but i think it was my soul. i sat down to write something cos i'd just finished a sem of uni and i like the validation i feel when i post things and the First Thing i wrote was "Renjun has been single so long..." and i was like. oh. i am renjun. if anyone knows a jaemin who's free, let me know xx
> 
> also, please let me know what you think of this?????? is it too short??? i think i might have rushed it but i also think the pacing might be okay??????? let me know??????
> 
> also x2, please let me know if other people feel the way that me and renjun do. i may just be mentally ill <3
> 
> love u, thank you for reading!
> 
> if you comment, i'll give you a kiss
> 
> ALSO, if ya'll know from the description i gave, which pic is jaemin's profile pic, ur entitled to compensation for the emotional distress boyfriend-look jaemin causes. get in touch w ur lawyer xxxx


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